There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
love makes seman taste better
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
