i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
