Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm just crazy horny about you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
