I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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