Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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