Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
