Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I understand Curling. That high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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