I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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