awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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