i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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