I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
