My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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