i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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