I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
