Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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