I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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