At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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