I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
