It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
