i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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