she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
