I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
