There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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