with your own penis?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
