Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Couch. On fire.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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