I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
