I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
