I haven't been this sober since birth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is the high leading the old right now
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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