I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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