I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
