you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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