girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
