I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
