i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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