Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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