he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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