guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
