I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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