batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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