Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
