ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
