I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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