it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
