Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
