hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
