a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You ruined the universe
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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