Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
