I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
