and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
