remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
