Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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