i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
