the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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