i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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