I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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