if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
