if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
