I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
