Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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