There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
